The Reparations Hearing
Bailiff: All Rise! The 23rd Reparations Court is now in session, Judge Freeman presiding. All those with claims pursuant to Title Twelve of the United States of America Reparations Act of 2034 gather near and ye shall be heard.
Judge: Bailiff, what’s our first case today?
Bailiff: Your Honor, the first case is that of Shevonne Johnson. Ms. Johnson has provided a report from H. L. Gates Associates, certified by the Reparations Evidence Board.
Judge: Is Ms. Johnson represented by counsel?
James Harding, Counsel: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Good to see you back, Jim. OK, let’s get started.
A Gates case, great way to start the day. I wish they were all as thorough as those. May I see the report?
Bailiff: Here you go Your Honor.
Judge: OK, let’s take it from the top.
Let’s see… earliest known ancestor was one Ekwueme Nwabunie, a member of the Igbo tribe who was kidnapped along with family members from a village in Senegal and put on a ship to Charleston. Seventh great grandparent, so direct lineage. Let’s give that one a hundred FAM points.
Then we have a fifth great grandparent, Hattie Johnson, offspring of an apparent rape perpetrated by one Nathaniel Beauregard owner of the plantation where she worked in the fields starting at age 7. That certainly gets another full 100 FAM points.
Oh… look at this, a Mayflower passenger! We’ll give that a minus 80 FAMs.
And here’s a White direct ancestor who helped edit Garrison’s Liberator, clearly a staunch abolitionist. Minus fifty.
And a White Union soldier who died of malnutrition and disease in the Andersonville Confederate prison camp after some pretty horrific battles. Direct ancestor, definitely minus a full one hundred.
Lots of uncles and aunts and cousins here. Like I said, the Gates crew is certainly thorough.
Oh, here’s a Black great grandmother who died in the Tulsa incident. That’s a plus 100.
And there’s a note here that her White grandfather did some time in a Mississippi county lockup for participating in a freedom ride. Minus 50.
OK, I think I have enough here. Let’s plug these numbers in to the app and see what we got. Bailiff?
Bailiff: I got a net twenty FAM points on the plus side.
Judge: Counsel, I am awarding your client four acres in Reparations Lot number 14B, plus any domestic pet from this list of shelters. I remind you and your client that property tax will accrue starting with today’s date. Are we done, or are you going to appeal... as usual?
Counsel: We will file an appeal.
Judge: OK, Bailiff, please note that. What’s our next case?